I have had a job since I was 10. Delivered newspapers for years, cleaned the Post Office, different dairy queens etc. all through high school. I had a full time job from the moment I graduated high school up until the moment I had Ella. This made college very hard, but I did it because I loved working. I don't know how else to word that sentence. But I liked being great at a job. I loved the friendships you make with co-workers. The inside jokes that no one else in the world would find funny. Office parties, lingo, jargon, whathaveyou. So when the subject of kids came up, I first told Andy that I would still work...
After I finished my degree, I have worked one, two at the most, days a week. Sometimes not that much. I consider myself a stay at home mom, and never regretted it. But sometimes I think how much I miss having a part of my life that is just mine. Well, since December I have been working full time, just until next week. And I'm so glad I have been. Not for the reasons I listed above. Yes, it has been fun, working hard at something and being good at it. And actually getting to know my coworkers and making friends, instead of being "that one girl" whom no one can get to know because I'm never there.
But then I come home, and I see my kids sleeping... and I know that I missed an entire day of their lives. I missed hearing what Ella had for lunch and what Zoe made at preschool. I missed bathing Max and reading him a story. And it hurts my heart. I have been so lucky to be able to
stay home with them all this time, and see their ever growing moments that go so fast.
So I am glad I got to work so much this past while, because now I never have to miss it again. What I miss is here.
Why am I posting this? Sorry, but it's not for those who are reading it now. I don't have a journal (terrible, I know) so I am posting this for my kids. My beautiful children. So they can know I have no regrets or wild oats or anything in my life. I have only complete gratitude that I get to be their mom. I love you.
Mork and Mindy
Despite our differences in height, music, food, politics and personal hygiene we have made it through nine years of marital bliss. (Amazing, since I still look like I'm 22, right?)
Ella
She's smart and beautiful and has no teeth!
Zoe
So cute and so hilarious. Prayed one night to, "Always make people laugh."
Max
Adding a little testosterone to the family! A big, loud, chubby ball of love.
3 comments:
Wow, you said it. I had a really crappy day at work the other day and was feeling all sorry for myself because I just plain don't work enough to be "good" at what I do. I worried they wouldn't call me back, blah blah blah. Then I realized that what I'm doing now, at home, is what I want to be doing and is what I want to be good at. I started hoping they wouldn't call me back cuz I don't want to go. I can get good at that later. You just described exactly how I feel, except for the fact that it's probably been 6 years since I worked "full" time. You're the best! We need another movie, you and Camille need to set it up...and then invite me;)
and that made me completely fall apart because I'm the one that complains that I don't work enough and wish I could work more. Last week when I worked 3 days I noticed my boys were clinging to me when I finally got home, but I didn't even feel guilty leaving them again....apparently I haven't worked enough or I'm still struggling with the stay at home thing after only 3 1/2 years. Maybe I need a 6 year old first???
Being a mom is a beautiful privilege. You are wonderful.
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